014: His Needs, Her Needs (how we scored each other)

Do you want a roadmap to meeting your spouses’ needs?

We sure do!

This last weekend, we went to a marriage workshop where my dad, @thegiant5guy, shared on the popular book “His Needs, Her Needs.” But what really stuck with us, was his practical application.

We don’t just want a good message, we want to know how to actively work on our marriage to make it better!

Elisha and I used this tool to rate each other on how well we were meeting each other’s needs, and it started some great conversation for us! We hope it provides you with conversation and overall growth in your marriage as well.

Side note**if you want to see how we rated each other, check out the podcast “Now That We’re A Family” down below, or on your favorite podcast app.


  1. Sex
  2. Recreational Companionship
  3. An Attractive Spouse
  4. Domestic Support
  5. Admiration


  1. Affection
  2. Conversation
  3. Openness and Honesty
  4. Financial Support
  5. Family Leadership

If you aren’t familiar with these, we break them down on the podcast, but for the most part, they’re pretty explanatory!


If you’re one of the hundreds of people that downloaded the 1-10 scale we use ALL the time in our marriage, you’re ready to dive in. If not, click HERE and we’ll send you one of the easiest ways to test the health of your marriage.

Now that you’ve got the 1-10 scale in your toolbox, here’s the His Needs, Her Needs tool we adapted from this weekend. DOWNLOAD THE HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS TOOL.

  • First, rate how well you think your spouse is doing at filling your needs.
  • Next, ask your spouse how well THEY think they are doing at meeting your needs. Circle their answers on your sheet.

When you are done filling out your tool and you share your answers with each other, keep two things in mind.

#1: Your spouse is just giving you a number . . . a way to improve. Don’t stress if it’s lower than you thought! It’s just a number, not an indicator of your marriage as a whole.

#2: Remember your spouse isn’t responsible for making your marriage glorious . . . you are. Marriage isn’t a 50/50 relationship where we constantly are wondering if our spouse is meeting us in the middle. A fantastic marriage is 100% our responsibility. But we’ll leave the “100 percent Solution for another blog . . . ”

May the Lord richly bless your marriage and draw you closer to oneness!

Learning with you,
Elisha and Katie Voetberg

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